Courtney is such a beautiful soul. I knew the second I met her that we’d be friends long after our photo session. I had the honor and privilege of interviewing her and learning more about her motherhood story. This is what she said:
How many children do you have, (ages and sex)?
One. Annie, girl, 8 months.
What is a goal you have or a life lesson you want to teach your children?
I want my daughter to learn to be kinder to herself than I ever was to myself. I hope she is able
to see the beauty in herself as easily as she sees it in others.
What is the best memory you have about your mother or someone who filled that roll in your
childhood?
My favorite memory about my Mom is how selfless she was. She gave everything. Her heart, her
soul, her time for us. From baking together in the kitchen (I had this cute Alphabet cookbook that I
adored) to hand making the most ridiculous Halloween costumes that my imaginative little brain could
cook up (I mean, c’mon what child decides to be crazy things like a lobster or a picnic table?!) but my
Mom willing obliged. 
What do you feel has been the most challenging in this season of motherhood?
Accepting myself for who I am in this moment.
What do you feel is the best joy in this season of motherhood?
The love I feel for my daughter. I never knew my heart could be this full.
What is one thing you would do differently with your children than your mother/parents/role model?
I’ll try to allow more freedoms. That being said, once I had Annie I quickly realized how strong
that urge is to keep her safe and in a bubble where she doesn’t have the room to make her own
mistakes.
Do you have any traditions or rituals that are just mommy and kids?
Right now just swim lessons.
What is one thing you feel you have no time for?
Checking in with myself to make sure I am doing what I have to in order to take care of myself so
I can take care of my family
What is one thing you feel takes all of your time?
Pumping. I feel like I am always pumping. I really hate my pump.
What is your best piece of advice you would like to share to all mothers?
Give yourself grace. This isn’t easy. Things that you think will just be natural and easy will be the
most difficult. And moms-to-be they aren’t joking. Seep while you can 
Courtney’s Motherhood Story
I always imagined the step into motherhood would be something that felt natural and graceful. A beautiful moment; a snapshot in time where I transitioned from being just me to being a mother. Talk about a fantasy. Don’t get me wrong, motherhood is amazing and there is more love in my heart these days than I ever thought possible; but my journey thus far hasn’t been without its difficulties. Instead of gracefully stepping into my new role I arrived on the doorstep of motherhood looking and feeling more like something the cat dragged in. My labor didn’t go as planned (do they ever?) and the resulting C-section left me feeling like a failure. Breastfeeding was a nightmare. I wasn’t getting any sleep and had no appetite. After having to supplement with formula in the hospital for jaundice I was having to triple feed to get my supply up enough to nourish my baby. I nursed her for 15 minutes on each side, handed her off to my mother or husband to supplement her nursing session and then went to spend 20 minutes with my new nemesis — the pump. Every three hours day and night. Some moments felt as if there was no end in sight. I had a beautiful baby girl, a loving husband and all I could think about was how they deserved someone better than me. A better mother. A better spouse. All the pregnancy books I read did not prepare me for
how things would feel. That feeling of inadequacy turned into feeling as though I didn’t deserve this life I was living – that I was fraud and her real mother would show up at any moment with the perfect method to get my child to go to sleep. The “f” word was on the tip of my tongue at every moment. I buried myself under the word failure. After some gentle coaxing from my husband I agreed to journal about what I was feeling. In a 4 page entry I used the word failure 37 times to describe myself. Prior to getting pregnant I knew there as a history of postpartum depression in my family. My paternal grandmother never received an official diagnosis as awareness around postpartum depression was quite limited in the 1950s. She described her experiences of sobbing uncontrollably and having her own mother bring her to doctors only to be told that she just had “the baby blues”. Experiencing my own journey with postpartum depression and anxiety I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for her. There were no new-mom support groups to meet up with on Wednesday afternoons. There were no mommy and me swim lessons to be had. It took until I was 35 and she was 95 but for the first time in my life I feel like I can fully relate to my Nana. I can’t remember when it happened but somewhere between months 5 and 8 something shifted. I’m still working (daily) to manage my anxiety but the overwhelming thoughts of failure turned into confidence. I am what my daughter needs. I am her source of comfort. When she screams at night in discomfort from teething I am able to recognize that there might not be anything I can do to fully soothe her. The subtle shift allowed for unconditional love to pour into the cracks left behind by self-doubt.