Image above by the talented Anna Dobrenski of San Francisco, California.
Ever have that nagging feeling that you’re not enough? That you talents and efforts are a wash in comparison to all of the rock star folks who seem to have developed their style or dream life in the womb? That everyone else carries on with their perfect life while you struggle just to have enough time in the day to get one thing done?
Well I’m here to tell you this..
Stop that kind of thinking right now. It is sabotaging and damaging behavior to your self esteem, worth and value for no real good reason at all. Today is your day to have a clean start.
Here are ten ways to kick those feelings to the curb.
1. Embrace your unique attributes. You are far to different to sit there and compare your unique talents to someone else. No one in this world will have the same life as you.. ever…so why bother comparing apples to oranges. I love the idea of talking to yourself just like you would to a friend. Instead of highlighting and praising others accomplishments more than you do your own, take time to do the same for yourself regularly. Give yourself some credit every once in a while and don’t forget that your flaws shape your experiences and makes it even that much better to be you.
2. Don’t invite comparison in. Pretend you are not home. You know, just like when that pesky salesman is knocking and you open the door only to have a long drawn out lecture on why you need a windshield. You could certainly hide in the bedroom for a few minutes. Then you’re all like “the coast is clear..phew!” but that doesn’t help them from coming again tomorrow. What if you opened the door and said “No thank you, we are happy with XYZ and no not need further information”? Bet they won’t come back tomorrow.. okay, well maybe they’ll come back in a few weeks if they are persistent but at least it won’t be as often… ha! Think about that as you would turning comparison away. In this day and age comparison is floating around cyber space like it’s got no real place to go. It is begging you to let it in. Don’t! Especially on social media sites, blogs, you name it. It’s easy to see and want to compare your life to what seems like the perfect picture life/career/parenting skills that others are seemingly portraying. But really, have you ever thought about how most of what you see is the very best of all the un-bruised bananas out of the bunch? You really don’t know what goes on behind close doors so why waste the energy over thinking what other people do. Here’s a tip… if it really really bugs you that much I highly recommend not visiting or wasting energy on those sites, in fact there is a special tool in facebook called “do not show in newsfeed” option. You know what? I use it all the time! I do love seeing what people are up to, but if it makes me even the slightest bit uneasy seeing what a local business (in my case, photography business) is doing, then I decide that I don’t need to know what new things Jane Doe is doing unless she tells me herself, and for whatever it is, I’m sure I would be ecstatic for it! I just don’t want any pauses in my workflow because I’m over obsessing with what’s going on and wondering if my entire life is measuring up to one single post on a social media site.
3. Getting inspired. Get inspiration in small doses. Don’t overdo it. Seek out maybe 10 of your favorite blogs and online places to hang out for work that truly moves you and gets you excited. That good feeling you get is a good sign that your’e on the right track for reaching towards areas that lift you instead of bringing your self esteem down. Places like Blog Lovin is a good spot to park your musings. Aside from online there are magazines, movies, music and a plethora of other ways to immerse yourself in inspiration. The tear of a favorite page is enough to get me giddy and excited about something new to try or do in my business. Online and other similar industries are not the end all to be all folks.
4. Working together. What if you channeled all of that energy into surrounding yourself around a team of people who really care about you and encourage you? Being supportive and having support is a great way to reduce those feelings of comparison. There are so many amazing groups of people rooting for each other. This mass movement is wonderful and uplifting and many times overshadows the negative thinking.
5. It is not a race. And there is no one way to get there. Everyone is on a different journey, that is just the way life is. You have to be realist and accept life’s circumstances. There is a great saying that says “Don’t compare your beginnings to someone else’s middle” and it holds so true.
6. Compare your own self. Discover yourself more often, challenge yourself, compete with last weeks goals. If there was only one person in the world to compare to I would say it’s *almost* fair to compare yourself- to yourself. And even with that your yesterday’s self may not be the same as your today’s self so that’s what makes it only almost fair ;)
7. Practice healthy competition. Okay, I know I said delete your competition from your facebook and get off other self destructing pages but…. a little healthy competition doesn’t hurt if you play nice. Encourage others and play fair. In this game even the loosers win.
8. Focus on what really matters. There is just so much going on in life to really be sitting there agonizing about how something of yours doesn’t measure up to something else. Your family, your goals, your health it’s all so much more important. Learn to see the value in that. When you put your priorities first everything else just falls into place leaving very little room for comparison to rear it’s ugly head. Our perspective in life changes drastically putting this simple rule into action. Ever read One Thousand Gifts? Run don’t walk to go buy it now. It counts down the days of being grateful for all that you have, the simple things that make such an impact in a life that at first doesn’t seem perfect or fulfilled. While this book is not about comparison really, it makes you think about how when you spend time comparing you could be missing the in between.
9. Assess the damage. How much have you been comparing yourself? How does it make you feel? Is it stopping you from reaching your goals? Write it down and take time to see if it is really damaging you. Chances are it is taking a huge toll on the quality of your life and stealing the joy you are perfectly capable of having.
10. Commit and just be. Happy that is. If you don’t strive to reach your goals, whatever they may be, then I can’t help you. Comparison will be the ugly cloud over you when everyone else is having a sunny day. Stay motivated even when your having a bad day. So as long as you are making strides towards the things you envision as the perfect life for YOU, then maybe all your troubles won’t be washed away completely but you’ll be that much more closer and that makes it all the worth enjoying and being happy for!
Thank so much for sticking through the 10 ways to avoid the comparison trap and I truly hope this helps!
Until next month….